I started crying on Saturday morning when I was getting dressed.
Not in the heartbreaking way, so don't feel bad for me. It was a whiny cry – not so different from that of a toddler who's stayed too long at the supermarket.
I was frustrated with the feeling of having it "up to here" for so many months. I'm tired of it being 50 degrees and slightly grey, tired of wearing my same clothes and coats, tired of waiting to start on the next phase of my life. Tired of waiting on our move.
People talk about how difficult February can be, and it makes sense. After all, there is a cruelness in the fact that one of the worst winter months happens towards the end of winter, after you've already put up with three or four months of cold weather.
But March has always frustrated me far more. It's a difficult month because everything is so close – sunshine, warm weather, holidays – but also so far away. You get a taste of a nice day, and then the clouds roll in a few hours later. It's neverending.
For us, it feels our move has been coming up forever. Friends ask how long it will be before we go, and why is it taking so long?
But there's no satisfying answer. We're playing the same waiting game with our move as everyone else is with the weather. Something will happen, and the end begins to feel nigh, and then you're back to waiting, trying to be patient amongst the grey.
It'll all be over soon – both the waiting and greyness. The layers and paperwork.
March will be over soon.
In the meantime, I just put my head down and work, clean up and organize, read good books, try to relax.
There's a book kicking around right now called "Essentialism" which seems to be very worth reading. Anyway, I heard a quote from the book that encourages the reader to live in the present by asking themselves the following question:
What's important now?
Maybe for you, what's important now is planning and acting on your plans. Maybe it's organizing, or maybe it's letting the plans play out themselves.
Or maybe it's just enjoying your present company; focusing on finding some sunshine and getting through the grey days.
Reminding yourself that it has to be March for it to be May or – can you even imagine? –June. Sundresses, warmth, fresh air. Flowers, open windows, and optimism.
Blue skies. Surely they'll come at some point, won't they?
But they will – they have to.
We're almost there. After all, March is almost over.
Photo by D Watterson III